Sunday, February 8, 2015

Finding Self Worth

I was talking to a new friend the other day and the topic of some of my more serious issues came up including  my lack of self worth ; how do you go about finding self worth  when you have been beaten to the ground and below.

You can have a hundred people say that you are good and you are worthy or you are anything positive and if you suffer from lacking self worth, you are going to always be polite and  say thanks, but deep down, you know people are just being kind and don't mean what they say.

How can such a thing happen?  I'm pretty darn sure that when we are born we don't come into the world feeling worthless at least I have no memory of that happening to me.

In my case it was a case of being abused by my family, constantly being told I was not good enough for anything, that I would never amount to anything and that I was a person to be ashamed of.

During the course of my life I think I went out of my way to prove these "people" right and I kept screwing up, failing at different things including relationships and lastly, staying in a living situation, where nothing I could do would ever be right or even good enough.  It was a self proclaiming - look at me these people were right all along and I learned to believe I was unlovable, not good enough, not pretty enough not anything enough.

My only saving grace was the birth of my children and then I was very good enough to fight for them so they could grow to be as they will be.  Funny how it works!

 In my fight in finding self worth what has changed?

I fight everyday"the not being good enough mentality", having little to no self worth and bashing myself against the prison I have built around myself.

I'm not going to pretend I am well or that I have all the answers, because I know I don't and if nothing else I am honest.

What I am learning in tiny baby steps is that part of finding self worth  is  accepting one good quality about me - me every day ( sometimes it takes a lot to find something good, but I'm slowly improving)

I am learning that finding self worth is not something unreachable or a mountain, but can be little things like finding something to laugh at where you can just feel good about you or reading something that makes you go..YES!  An example is when I read this quote
Its not your job to like's mine
~Byron Katie

I'm  learning  that self worth means  opening up and seeing the world not from a place of toxicity or my abusers, but a place where hugs and giggles can become the daily standard.

I am learning that when I reject myself for any reason,when I neglect myself for any reason then I am not honoring myself, I will never be able to heal and I will never find that place called self worthy.

Self worth... is honoring yourself and believing in the power of loving you. It's saying to the world but most important to you -   I am Me,I know I'm not perfect, but I like who I am!

I found these two quotes that might have meaning to you

Your self-worth has nothing to do with your craft or calling, and everything to do with how you treat yourself.
~Kris Carr

and something to think about~

Wanting to be liked means being a supporting character in your own life, using the cues of the actors around you to determine your next line rather than your own script. It means that your self-worth will always be tied to what someone else thinks about you, forever out of your control.
~Jessica Valenti

Is it possible to find self Worth, I think it is if you really want it!

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