Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Narcissism - Which Mirror Do You See?

Many people are looking at narcissism in a new way because we see it more often in the politics of today.  Unfortunately, narcissism is not a new  "disorder" it has been around as many victims will tell you... a very long time!
I originally wrote what you are about to read on a different blog, back on June 7th, 2014  - this one story still haunts me today and I will say that I am always careful when I look into the mirror to be sure that what I see is life and not just the evil....

When you look in a mirror what do you see?
he made a looking-glass which had the power of making everything good or beautiful that was reflected in it almost shrink to nothing, while everything that was worthless and bad looked increased in size and worse than ever. The most lovely landscapes appeared like boiled spinach, and the people became hideous and looked as if they stood on their heads and had no bodies. Their countenances were so distorted that no one could recognize them, and even one freckle on the face appeared to spread over the whole of the nose and mouth. The demon said this was very amusing. When a good or pious thought passed through the mind of anyone it was misrepresented in the glass, and then how the demon laughed at his cunning invention.........
"There is a story about a very wicked hobgoblin; he was one of the very worst, for he was a real demon.

One day, when he was in a merry mood,

As Lynn S. has said about Narcissism Land  " Everything is upside-down in Narcissism Land. The days are dark, the nights are bright, and fires aren't doused, they're fanned. The person will say "I love you" oozing animosity.
Fear becomes bravado mixed with grandiosity. And if you dare to argue that his view is rearranged, The person will only answer back that you're the one deranged.
When he starts feeling anxious, he'll say you seem quite insane. "Deficiences abound," he cries, "in your disordered brain." He lies then claims the truth is his, but you, now, you're a mole. "How can you question me?" he asks. "You must not have a soul."
When he's confused, then you're the one who needs to be much clearer. So when they project like that, just hand the guy a mirror.  There are many people, who have had to deal with at some time or another with those who are disordered.
 On the outside looking so "normal", functioning as though everything is fine, but if one takes the time or has been the object of their attentions, then your whole world is turned upside down.

For a long time, I looked through the demons mirror and so I know how hard it can be. Thankfully there are now cracks in that mirror and I hope and pray that one day the glass will finally shatter!

Monday, March 30, 2015

Discovering Self Love/Self worth

For the last while, I have not just been healing on the outside/inside ( my physical being) and as you can see from the images below, you can see how far I have come in my outwards appearence... wow what a difference if I say so myself lol
me in halo after accident.  A Christmas picture..laughing and in pain lol
No halo ..yipee but oh my, look at that hair lol

ok... a selfie.. me today!  looking not too bad at all lol

In terms of my healing from my emotional brokenness and believe me the list is just as long in terms of my emotional health being in critical condition, I am happy to report that the healing has begun.

I'm unsure if I can really explain (logically) how this healing has been occurring, but maybe in part when I was in my coma, I guess I had time to think... I call it my dream as it sounds better than being in a different place or a different reality.
My dream of discovery

While I have literally been champing at the bit to get on my with my life, I realized that for true healing to happen, I needed to start really looking at my past..my whole life, the good, the horror, the abuse and the sadness and see if there was any way I could understand on any level the concept of self-worth and self-love.

A reality to many... I have always had a mantra in my head..that mantra has dictated my life for better or for worse, sickness and health


How could this even happen...how could I, an intelligent human being believe such crap?

To be honest it was easy, I had been trained by people as a child that I was never good enough for anything, it was instilled in me from the day I was put in the various foster homes and then the fateful hell of being adopted into a family who could give the term "demons" a new meaning.

No matter what I did or how I did it...it was either wrong, it was never good enough , fault found in everything...did I dream this hell? did I imagine this hell?

NOPE! It was my life and I grew to believe that I never deserved anything more than what I got.

Self worth? How can one be worthy of anything when all you can do is screw up

Self love? How can anyone love a miserable person who could never do anything right?

For too many years this is how I lived, thought and believed. Many people who knew me, never got to see these feelings as I kept them hidden as much as I could, but I suspect some people did see the "real me" and I would run and hide one way or another.

I want to share with you a few things, if I may?

I have had to deal with realities! I have read, listened to music, and talked to people who understand how it feels to be so put down for their thoughts and beliefs...just ordinary people who have been there done that.
We all share a bond of being so hurt that the child in all of us never had a chance to heal and we could never accept us as something that is beautiful and so incredibly unique.

Even in my hell, I have always believed or maybe it was a hope that love should be freely given, it can never be earned and should always be accepted ( yes the hippie era taught me that and I have held onto it for dear life but it has always been a tough concept for a person who has heard her whole life...you cant love others until you love yourself. )

I believe that my salvation has been the ability to love so pure and I can count them on two hands...two of them being my beautiful children. I suspect that I have been evolving since then... If I could create two beautiful creatures then surely I could not be so bad after all.

Unfortunately, being a human being, I went off that path and went back to my not being worthy and I sure did a lot to make it a reality.

What has changed? ME!

I am learning that loving myself and self worth does not have to be earned...it just is!

Remember the movie Cool Runnings? There is one quote that says this more elequently than I can "An Olympic Gold Medal is a nice thing, but if you're not good enough without it... you'll never be good enough with it."

A simple reality for me and maybe you also is that while you seek self worth and self love only YOU can find it in yourself and only from within.

Another simple reality is that its not enough to find it once or twice, because life happens and shit can happen and you may find yourself losing your grip and slipping into those same old comfortable doubts again!

We need ways and means to help fight the zombie demons of our past from taking over our lives and we need to teach ourselves that we are worthy of all that love we richly deserve.

One of the Buddhism concepts that I read and its been hard for me to think about  is that we are all born absolutely, 100% perfect. Think of a newborn baby - perfect!
Then life happens, and the expectations of others, and that perfection gets lost in the noise and dirt of everyday existence. I cry when I read these words as I realized that when I was born..I was pure..it took a lot of hurt and pain to create the injuries to me.

I feel that since the accident I have begun to understand that I need to be to believe in myself and being worthy of love is the beginning of that change. 
With the love and help and support of some very wonderful people, they are all helping me realize that I am lovable..and I am very worthy...its not easy!

legendary Basketball coach Pat Summitt made this statement "It is what it is, but it will be what you make of it." 
That is life! We can make ourselves better or we can harm ourselves by not believing in our selves, we can make this decision..a miracle to itself! 
To share this with better clarity for many people they can start to think they ARE their (perceived) achievements and their (perceived) mistakes, and putting them in a balance of good/bad is and that is what makes them lovable.
We're all still perfectly lovable, under those layers, exactly as we are!!

To accept that we are human, with flaws, but yet perfect in many and varied ways, and to love ourselves in spite of ourselves, is to be who we are, comfortable in knowing that what others think of us  is not as important as what we think about our true self. 

There is no amount of validation, acceptance, praise or words that can reach anyone that doesn't first know how to validate their own worth and understand their own place of value in humanity.

If we keep beating ourselves up, its just hurts more. Giving ourselves the permission to love who we are, is the remedy to what ails and stagnates us in our journey.

Self-love and self-worth sure are are peculiar animals aren't they? I shake my head with my learning ... I am just a kid who is taking a bit longer to learn a life lesson.

I will give one word of warning and its very very important.... there may be those you will meet in this life that no amount of Love, no matter how freely given, will ever fix a person or even a people who are disconnected, 
I  guess you can only hope they will learn to love themselves to accept the gift that is given to them and they find their own self worth to deserve the gift being given.

It is time for me to keep moving forward on my path, it wont be easy and yep I know I will make mistakes, I truly hope and pray that my inner struggle will never cause harm, to anyone I encounter

With love!
remember to give yourself a hug everyday!

editors note: these are all the different thoughts that I have felt over the last few months. Putting them together in a way that made sense has been a challenge, but it is my hope that these random thoughts will make a difference in another persons life.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Valentines Day - love it or hate it?

Today Valentines day is a bit..more like a lot difficult.. as my life is transitioning and the person and the people who I love are not with me today.

For all the commercialism of this day and boy.. hallmark cards and any kind of chocolates, florists  are smiling all the way to the bank, there are those of us where this day does have a meaning and there are those who go pffft!

Is there anyway to keep everyone happy?

Heck don't ask me, I'm the one who is sobbing to songs and reading  mushy cards because there is something about sharing a love openly and being in a relationship that begs to be celebrated and lol I'm a romantic pure and simple.

I think I envy those who blow raspberries to this day as it must be a lot less stressful and yet I wonder!
I think that for Valentines  day to have any kind of real meaning means having a good relationship with yourself, to appreciate those in your life that you love and to know in your heart that there are those who truly love and care about you.

Because I am a romantic and because there are those that I would love to be near to today, here are are some cards, quotes and songs ( be prepared, some of them will not be what you expect lol)

Regardless of what you choose to do enjoy the day and Have a happy Valentines day.  Laugh, enjoy, share or do nothing, whatever it is..do it well!

If you live to a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. – ~Winnie the Pooh

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever. – The Notebook

 "You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll "Outside The Dog Museum"

and then there is this!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

When You Are Wrong

How many of you know what to do when when you are wrong  about something?  It should be easy right?   You say I'm sorry and move on.  For many it can be one heck of a challenge.

I'm unsure of how many of you follow or even use "Aunty Acid" sayings, images.  Trust me they are a pure delight and many people have been able to relate to these marvelous creations.

Today I saw one of these sayings on Google Plus and I just had to share it on Facebook.   As you can see it will have you giggling, I sure did lol

It got me to thinking ( as usual lol) what the heck do you do when you are wrong over something is there some magic way of apologizing?

Now we all know  and have been taught that you need to apologize..to say sorry when your wrong about something but I have noticed that seems to cause a lot of hardship for people.

 One way I know this is that when I did a search on google for " how to say sorry when you are wrong"  there were "About 351,000,000 search results (0.83 seconds)"

OMG that is a lot of people talking about something so simple  as saying your sorry..amazing.

There were people defining the meaning
"An apology is an expression of remorse for something you've done wrong" from WikiHow   ( they even have illustrations if you need them)

Then there was this article
Admitting You Were Wrong Doesn't Make You Weak -- It Makes You Awesome! from Forbes   thats always nice to know.

and of course we need to get into the psychology of saying your sorry  "Go Ahead, Say You're Sorry"  from Psychology Today

The world sure has gotten very complicated in my opinion.

How about we get back to the K.I.S.S. philosophy..when you are wrong ...please just say

Any  questions?

You can find Aunty Acid on
Google Plus
Their awesome website

I strongly recommend going there at least once a day for a good laugh and if you are at work...just say I'm sorry I need a laugh fix for the day

Have a good day everyone

Monday, February 9, 2015

The Victim Game

How many of you want to play the victim game?

The rules are very simple
1. Don't take any responsibility for any aspect of your life

2. Blame others.  Some of you might need that explained.  Blaming others is another way of scapegoating others or blaming others for something you did.

3. Rationalize your victimhood.  Of course you are very rational as you have thought about it a lot that if A had not happened then of course B would never have happened

4. You get points for feeling helpless. Fact is if you say something often enough, then that rationality will become a reality

5. The idea of self pity is to feel bad for yourself because you have learned to feel helpless, you blame others and of course you can rationalize every single problem you are having.

6. Be a problem talker. Oh yes this is one rule of the victim game that takes a lot of energy. Simply put, occupy yourself with all your problems, shout them out to the world and let everyone know that if only this could have happened, then that would never have happened.  All of this helps with the feelings of being helpless, feeling sorry for yourself and as always blaming others.

7. Act like a child who has no power. Isn't it the truth that children really are without power and are helpless to the adults around them. A person playing the victim game is the adult still being that child and responding to everything around them. They don't make any changes and the only thing they know how to do is to ...be a victim!

You will know you have won the victim game when you condemn yourself for everything and you separate yourself from all responsibilities because  YOU ARE A VICTIM!

Isn't this a great game?


Unfortunately there are many people who are playing the victim game every single day and its a terrible way to live and a tragic thing to witness in anyone that you know and love.

Considering that part of finding my own self worth has meant understanding how  my own victim mentality has affected me  sure been a learning experience.  I'm lucky in some ways as I have learned in the past about not playing the victim game, and I have been slowly understanding many things for quite a while ( being in a hospital for close to three months tends to give you a different perspective.)

Things I have learned:
Sometimes bad things happen to good people and that's a fact.
Sometimes because of our own choices, the consequences were not what we expected.

Now a days  we live with such stresses as a result of work, relationships and family we all tend to feel overwhelmed and at times we all feel like pulling our hair and wondering what to do!

 To the person who is playing the victim game these stresses  validate those feelings of being a victim which can have them  saying such things  as "its not fair" why do other people get all the breaks" or have you feeling disrespected, persecuted.

 To the expert victim all these stresses can have them feeling that righteous indignation, inward brooding and a desire for revenge.

That victim can never hear anything good they will gravitate only to those who are negative, which of course keeps the cycle going on and on and on.!

I guess for the person who plays the victim game there are a few rewards.

YOU  don't have to take risks. If you do nothing, nothing can hurt you
YOU will get attention and even feel validated..for a while and believe me when I say it wont last very long
YOU feel right!  You were the one who was hurt and its their fault not yours and it gives what many psychologists say a  pleasurable feeling/

The sad reality is that there are victims in this world, life happens, bad things happen.  There are many  people out there who are not playing the victim game because they know that they have "a" control over themselves, whether its eating or not eating something of their choice, finding laughter and being proactive somehow in their lives.

Maybe the best way to stop playing the victim game is by  making a plan, doing something to make a change whether it is eating, relaxing or going for a walk.  You did something different!

Understand that playing the victim game is not pleasurable you have learned how to be helpless and now its time to take charge again
Taking responsibility for you and and what you do is a must if you ever want to stop playing the victim game. The point is not to beat yourself up over everything, its to understand how things happened - again its part of life!

If you find it too difficult, get help and be proud of yourself..in fact I would say take a bow, you are on the road of dismantling the victim game and learning to live a life where you are in charge of you .

I guess the best thing I can say to anyone who is playing the victim game is ..being stuck or trapped in a situation is not as definite as you may think.  Always hold onto your dreams, your ideas no matter what.  Things will either change for the better or not, regardless you can always move on.