Monday, February 9, 2015

The Victim Game

How many of you want to play the victim game?



The rules are very simple
1. Don't take any responsibility for any aspect of your life


2. Blame others.  Some of you might need that explained.  Blaming others is another way of scapegoating others or blaming others for something you did.


3. Rationalize your victimhood.  Of course you are very rational as you have thought about it a lot that if A had not happened then of course B would never have happened


4. You get points for feeling helpless. Fact is if you say something often enough, then that rationality will become a reality


5. The idea of self pity is to feel bad for yourself because you have learned to feel helpless, you blame others and of course you can rationalize every single problem you are having.


6. Be a problem talker. Oh yes this is one rule of the victim game that takes a lot of energy. Simply put, occupy yourself with all your problems, shout them out to the world and let everyone know that if only this could have happened, then that would never have happened.  All of this helps with the feelings of being helpless, feeling sorry for yourself and as always blaming others.


7. Act like a child who has no power. Isn't it the truth that children really are without power and are helpless to the adults around them. A person playing the victim game is the adult still being that child and responding to everything around them. They don't make any changes and the only thing they know how to do is to ...be a victim!

You will know you have won the victim game when you condemn yourself for everything and you separate yourself from all responsibilities because  YOU ARE A VICTIM!



Isn't this a great game?

No?


Unfortunately there are many people who are playing the victim game every single day and its a terrible way to live and a tragic thing to witness in anyone that you know and love.

Considering that part of finding my own self worth has meant understanding how  my own victim mentality has affected me  sure been a learning experience.  I'm lucky in some ways as I have learned in the past about not playing the victim game, and I have been slowly understanding many things for quite a while ( being in a hospital for close to three months tends to give you a different perspective.)

Things I have learned:
Sometimes bad things happen to good people and that's a fact.
Sometimes because of our own choices, the consequences were not what we expected.

Now a days  we live with such stresses as a result of work, relationships and family we all tend to feel overwhelmed and at times we all feel like pulling our hair and wondering what to do!

 To the person who is playing the victim game these stresses  validate those feelings of being a victim which can have them  saying such things  as "its not fair" why do other people get all the breaks" or have you feeling disrespected, persecuted.

 To the expert victim all these stresses can have them feeling that righteous indignation, inward brooding and a desire for revenge.

That victim can never hear anything good they will gravitate only to those who are negative, which of course keeps the cycle going on and on and on.!

I guess for the person who plays the victim game there are a few rewards.

YOU  don't have to take risks. If you do nothing, nothing can hurt you
YOU will get attention and even feel validated..for a while and believe me when I say it wont last very long
YOU feel right!  You were the one who was hurt and its their fault not yours and it gives what many psychologists say a  pleasurable feeling/


The sad reality is that there are victims in this world, life happens, bad things happen.  There are many  people out there who are not playing the victim game because they know that they have "a" control over themselves, whether its eating or not eating something of their choice, finding laughter and being proactive somehow in their lives.



Maybe the best way to stop playing the victim game is by  making a plan, doing something to make a change whether it is eating, relaxing or going for a walk.  You did something different!

Understand that playing the victim game is not pleasurable you have learned how to be helpless and now its time to take charge again
Taking responsibility for you and and what you do is a must if you ever want to stop playing the victim game. The point is not to beat yourself up over everything, its to understand how things happened - again its part of life!

If you find it too difficult, get help and be proud of yourself..in fact I would say take a bow, you are on the road of dismantling the victim game and learning to live a life where you are in charge of you .

I guess the best thing I can say to anyone who is playing the victim game is ..being stuck or trapped in a situation is not as definite as you may think.  Always hold onto your dreams, your ideas no matter what.  Things will either change for the better or not, regardless you can always move on.